Crimes against mankind

So summer is finally here - if you blink you'll miss it. But as the sun decides to pay us a flying visit we are all aware that we will be faced by certain crimes against mankind - here are some of my favourites:

Wearing inappropriate clothes when you live in a city. Now we are not at Sunsplash or Crop over so if your clothing only covers your nether regions please return back to your house and put some appropriate clothes on. I have holiday clothes that I wear when I have boarded a plane and safely landed. They have never seen the light of day or night in the UK, they have been bought strictly for sitting around a pool or at some tropical beach.

Toes hanging over your sandals, you may wish to be a size 5 but you're a 7 or 8, therefore the sandals you have on do not fit your feet. Your toes are actually dragging along the floor as you walk. I get it you like them and couldn't leave them in the shop I know I've been there but I did and so can you!!!!

Puny chests on display, I understand it's hot but we live in Britain and we have rules of decency here. Its the stiff upper lip and all that bs, so in a park or the beach you can take your t-shirt or vest off other than on those occasions leave them on. Amber Rose and whatever his name is (Wiz something) aren't together anymore so dream on no one thinks a pigeon chest is sexy, follow Snoop he keeps his shirt on - actually notice how baggy they are its for a reason! Men with chests, abs and pecs your woman likes to know that other women look at you and think dayum they can daydream but they don't know - understood!

Wearing black when the sun is beating down, I understand you have a limited wardrobe. It's only frivolous people like me who follow the Scouts motto, I have more summer clothes than the amount of days we've had that hit 25 oC or over in the last 2 years but wearing black doesn't make you look cool. It's hot man embrace the warm weather and wear light grey at least.

God is a genius even though Adam and Eve didn't know it toenails were meant to be painted. God thought I'm going to make toenails and then they'll learn how to create nail polish, it started off with a range of natural dyes but now we have millions of ways to make toe nails look pretty. Let me ask you now who are you to mess with what God intended, quick, quick all women out there paint your toenails before unleashing your feet on the world and if your feet aren't looking great treat yourself to a pedicure.

Time for me to go and get a pedicure before going out to enjoy the sun.

Taking away the COOKIE

So its been reported that recently engaged Megan Good has decided to put her man on a cookie diet (no sex until they married). As the 'diet' implies they were having sex so this decision has been made to help make their wedding night extra special, to bring them closer to God as they move towards their union or just because.

Now as a young all knowing woman I was confident that I would follow the path Megan and her fiancé have chosen. Wanting to bring something special to my wedding night (blame Hollywood - Mystic Pizza) I had grand ideas of having a bit of a break for 2 to 3 months before getting married.

Even when your not in a relationship celibacy is hard so making the decision to not have sex for an extended period when in a committed relationship and engaged is a bold choice, but as their marriage will be based on many facets of love why not. We all know when you haven't had your favourite junk food for a while the first bite always tastes so good!

On rainy days....

On rainy days my favourite things to do are:

1. Stay in bed
2. Read a fantastic book 
3. Watch a great movie - Sound of Music or Beaches preferably please!
4. Dunk a Digestive into a cup of tea
5. Eat cake

Basically just veg! It's not because I've lost the black girl vs rain and wind battle. I have hats, wellies and coats to deal with that dastardly (I think Wacky races when I see this word) combo; but mainly because its just so miserable and secondly its a no peep toe situation. I wear peep-toe shoes for at least  8 months of the year and the rain prevents that #imserious.   Come on you didn't believe did that- I just don't like the cold, wet, greyness of it all, its so miserable!

So at times like this when I'm stuck in the house, or unable to emerge from the office at lunch-time; I think of funny moments in my life to cheer me up. Let me share some with you (I'm basically a klutz so feel free to laugh):

• I'm on a first date, I've had a cocktail or 4 and I'm leaning over on the stool and I fall off the stool. But I fall in a way that the stool is kind of stuck on my arse. I obviously keep my eyes closed in the hope that if I can't see anyone laughing then I can climb into the abyss and pretend it never happened (wishful thinking). My date is trying not to laugh, finally I end up sitting back on the stool, my date laughs but everyone in the bar continues on as if something like this happens every day!
  
•  I'm on a another date, he (another guy) picks me up we drive 5 mins down the road and his car breaks down in the middle of the main high road of the area we live in. I know how to play the game so I offer to push, but the heels and dress I have on mean that isn't a possibility. So he tries to act like he can push the car himself, I offer to steer but he is like 'no I got this'. The traffic is backing up all along the high road; he is so embarrassed and I am trying my best not to laugh. I don't think we've spoken about it since.  Lol but I need to remind him of this the next time I see him because it was so funny.

• I walked into a bottle of brandy - as in head first into a bottle that someone was holding at a party (my spatial awareness is poor any wonder why broken down car guy didn't let me steer). Lol I try to act like I'm all cool and collected but I'm not. These situations seem to happen to me quite regularly, grazed ,my knee as I fell down the stairs on Saturday.
  
•  Just asked one of my friends who said I had a blonde moment recently (please don't take offence - most of you aren't true blondes anyway) and spent 5 mins trying to get something out of the boot of his Porsche. How was I to know that the boot was at the front of the car (erm I was totally engrossed in something else when we put the bags in there, and yeah its not the first time I've had to go in the boot but I have a bad memory). Question for you is why is it a boot when its at the front lol!

I love funny pictures and videos, although not mean ones; If you have any good ones please share my way. I like this one at the mo  --------.>>>>>>>>

Mainstream beauties??!!

Just a quick post to say:

As featured in Pride's May issue

1. I'm loving that beauty for black and asian women is being discussed in mainstream publications. If you haven't read http://www.stylist.co.uk/beauty/the-changing-face-of-beauty#image-rotator-1 then please do.
2. Glamour UK tweeted 'Afro envy' to encourage its followers to view a gallery image of Solange (I <3 Solange) @ the Met Ball. Glamour UK I have Afro envy too!!!
3.  I participated in a Pride Beauty Roundtable,  catch up on the conversation in May's Beauty edition.