Women we make our own choices

So the other day I heard something that was so ridiculous it made we want to scream. Being single and a women in her thirties in some cultures is a sin, its a sign of failure! Obviously no man wants you, and your chances of having a child are falling day by day. As a parent of said child, your friends, families will be looking at you and thinking 'I wonder what is wrong with so and so's child' and finding all sorts of reasons why your daughter is a childless spinster. I've friends who been told by their parents not to buy a house, because a man wants to buy a home for you or an expensive car - because you don't want to scare him off.


Maybe they are right, being married to someone who thinks that way is better than being highly successful and spending your hard earned money as you please. All the time you put into studying, your career or business well you shouldn't be able to enjoy the fruits of that labour at all. However even though this is ridiculous its still not as preposterous as what I heard.


A guy was being blamed for 'time-wasting' basically staying in a relationship for a long period of time without it leading to an engagement ring of marriage certificate. Now you'll probably thinking why was that annoying, and why did it insense you? So here goes:


1. It makes a woman sound as if she has no choice in the matter, as grown adults we make choices. You cannot (unless kidnapped) chose to be somewhere you do not want to be.


2. No-one can waste your time. If you are in a relationship that doesn't seem to be heading where you want it to go then you need to move on. If you choose not to then you are either happy with how its going, or would prefer to be happier with the person than unhappy without them.
I'm sometimes tardy, but I hardly ever wait for others who are. Sorry I've got stuff to do I can't wait on you (ironic I know).


3. This is something that is only said to women - he was wasting your time, he took your best years etc etc. I personally believe if you want something in life you make plans to get it. Your boss won't promote you - you start applying elsewhere. You want to go on that holiday, buy that house, car etc - you start saving towards it.  You've been in a relationship for a few years and you are not on the same page. You turn the page and look for someone who is.


The only person at fault, to blame is the person who stayed.

Affirmative Action & Mindy Kayling's brother

One of the problems with fame it appears is that your family & friends (in some cases) try to ride your coat tails to the bank. Luckily for Mindy Kayling - producer, director, comedian, actress and author, her brother chose a different path and has written a book that focuses on how in 1998 he posed as a black man to successfully apply to medical school (should I underline luckily). Now for those of you who don't know who Mindy Kayling is, she is the protagonist in The Mindy Project and was in the US version of The Office, both of which she also wrote scripts for.

Her brother on the other hand is a  [left blank so you can make your own assertions] and has written a book Almost Black, which shares his experience of how he used affirmative action policies to get into medical school with a 3.1GPA. Vijay Chokal - Ingam supposedly classified himself as African American on his medical school application and states that to maintain the illusion whilst at Louisania State Medical School he continued to pretend to be so. He argues that the 11 schools who invited him to interview did so because he was black and they wouldn't have done so as an Indian-American. Although he doesn't substantiate if he sent more or less (with relevant parts changed to support ethnicity) identical applications in, or if the 'Indian' applications were rejected. Vijay uses this as an example of why affirmative action is a bad thing.

His argument is similar to others (see his blog post on almostblack.com) it doesn't help those who really need it. Rich kids utilise the quotas, the truly underprivileged kids those who may not have access to good schools, need financial aid etc etc are missing out. And I'm sure this is the case as Vijay is probably not the only person who has taken advantage of the system. But
if affirmative action as it stands isn't the answer what is; because it's clear the groups that it helps to give access women, certain ethnic groups and the disabled are still underrepresented in the top jobs, best schools and or some cases just in college at all. Do you really think Sheryl Sanderberg would set up Lean In if all was well.

The other day I read an article about non-white women who worked in the STEM sector in the US, which shares research into the experience of men/women and then non white women working in those sectors. Women suffered discrimination but for non- white women it was even worse and this wasn't just in the workplace this was also whilst studying. Let's just say if you'd spent thousands of dollars on a science degree, masters and PHD that balance is going to be way above that glass ceiling you're trying to break. I also recently read a headline that said that in 16 states in the US more black men were in jail than college! College isn't for everyone, but in my opinion prison is a place you should never have to visit unless maybe for peaceful protesting.

Dealing with how to give people an equal footing needs policies and processes that help the truly disadvantaged, and Vijay is probably right African, WASP, Indian or green - American with the advantages he had (good schools, wealthy parents) maybe a 3.1 GPA wasn't good enough to get into medical school. Or if you look at it from a completely different viewpoint maybe the admissions staff had other biases that meant that even for an advantaged black man a 3.1 was where the bar was set.

Travelling whilst black

So I'm currently in Malaysia on a two week holiday. Yesterday and today was spent watching the Malaysian Grand Prix, a truly fantastic experience - but I'm a F1 fan , maybe not so great for anyone who isn't. Anyway whilst on the race track today after the race, yes I climbed over the barriers and stood on the finishing straight (I may never does this again) I was asked by another tourist (from China) to appear in a video for a friend. I initially thought they were asking me to film them; but low and behold it appeared that was not the case.

They wanted a feature video from two black people which they would show at their friends wedding with me and my travel buddy  (also black) saying 'congratulations on your wedding yeah'! Obviously I asked why us - I needed to check I wasn't a doppelganger for an obscure singer making waves in Asia, but alas that wasn't the case it was because [we're] awesome (major side eye here, I just wanted to hear his response). This is like Hong Kong all over again, when people randomly took their photos with me in the background - yeah I could see what you were doing!

The joys of travelling whilst black - please note I'm not a circus freak, but yes I am awesome!!!

A diverse marketing team pays, so implement them and stop talking about it!!

During the last couple of months I've seen and read the marketing industry discuss and debate the need for greater diversity in the industry and how that can happen.  More apprenticeships, talent programmes, positive discrimination etc etc. But yet some of these discussions have utilised rhetoric which in itself shows the industry still doesn't understand the problem.

In this week's Marketing Week it mentions people not coming through the established university route as one of the potential reasons for a lack of diversity (by the way I went to an established uni and know many who did too). Therefore making an assumption that there is a need to consider lowering the entry routes at graduate level  to compensate. Is that what we want for BME graduates to possibly be considered or even employed on a completely different standard/requirements to their white counterparts!?? Is affirmative action the solution .... I'm not sure. Although the industry does need to reconsider what the entry requirement is at this level, or even be more attractive to all.

However it's not just an issue for those entering the industry at graduate level, there is also a need to provide more opportunities for entry through apprenticeships as well as to develop and support existing BME marketeers to reach the top echelons. Many of my fellow BME  marketing counterparts have left organisations and set up their own businesses due to not being able to progress or the perception of a glass ceiling. Whether or not this was the case, the fact they didn't see anyone (or very few) that looked like them as a head of, director or chief marketing officer or equivalent may have been a contributing factor.

For those of you who don't work in marketing you may be asking why its necessary for organisations to have diverse marketing teams, middle management and senior leadership that is more representative of their audiences. Just think about the adverts that fail to include any ethnic representation although customers from these groups have effectively grown the business and remained loyal to it.  The adverts and campaigns that use stereotypical characters that you find patronising or even derogatory. Why we are still questioning (with astonishment) why make-up beauty brands do not sell their full product lines here in the UK (including full colour spectrum), but do in the States? We know black women spend significantly more money than white women on hair and beauty £ for £ so you would think it was a no brainer wouldn't you!!!!?? It's because they lack an understanding of particular segments of their (potential) market and diverse teams would help them not only be much more customer centric but also provide an opportunity to bring in new solutions, develop new products and lines open new markets etc. It's a win, win for all.

I'm glad that the industry is opening it's eyes to the problem. I just hope they realise - that like womens pay, and the fact that there a large number of women in the industry but yet men are most likely to be in senior positions - it's not just something to talk about for ages and not really do anything about. We need to put in steps through all levels to create a more diverse and better representative industry for all, and this problem is not just the marketing departments or agencies to solve. More diverse businesses and not just at entry level or in low skilled positions benefits us all!!

Need to be inspired Karen Blackett Chief Executive MediaCom  

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/jobs/11234164/Karen-Blackett-I-havent-been-openly-judged-on-gender-or-skin-colour-but-Im-sure-it-goes-on-behind-my-back.html

Image credit: The Telegraph online

Self-love or one step too far

So the other day a status popped up on my Facebook timeline and when I saw it I knew I had a strong opinion on it. I read 'Woman marries herself' and initially I thought 'this is part of the problem, some people are so fixated on the wedding ceremony rather than the actual focus of getting married and what that means' ends Nadie on her high horse!!! But then I read the article and it appeared to be a self-love affair, 'the bride' promising to love and honour herself, something that should be applauded I guess. And with 1 in every 2 African-American women expected to be single to kingdom come can you blame her for having her very own wedding ...although the bridesmaids and being given away may be a little too much (trying to be shade free).

Thoughts - are you single and believe you may never marry?Are you in a long term committed relationship but still would like to be a 'wife'? Would you 'marry yourself' and with so many women not expressing self-love, is a self-love declaration actually a good thing? You tell me.

Oh yeah you can check out photos of the wedding here http://www.weddingdigestnaija.com/black-woman-marries-herself-cause-she-couldnt-find-a-husband-by-the-time-she-turned-40/

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Reflection

Just took a look at this and realised I hadn't written anything for ages. There has been so much that I could have or should have written about but alas I failed on this one. I will endeavour to be more focused from now on, but I can't make any promises. However I can say that the last 12 months have been a bit of a rollercoaster with amazing highs and some lows and part of my lack of blog activity is due to this.

Anyway that's all in the past and lets just say year 34 of my life not great & year 35 so far so good. You may recall me sharing that my new year starts on my birthday, but that doesn't mean I can't get in on the annual looking back that happens at  this time every year. Here is my 2014 in review (drum roll please) - particular highlights have been:

- Solange's wedding, yep you know I love me some Solange and there were so many things I loved about this. I mean if I was a teenager I would print out the photos and stick them on my wall, instead I share them on my social accounts (aren't we all really just big kids). An amazing sharing of love, hubby, girls, family & son that seemed to represent her style. So epic, if I get married there are elements of this I will steal, although photos will be less Vogue and more Vanity Fair.

-  The 'black lives matter' protest, they do! It's a shame that people had to lose their lives for people to see this, but I'm hopeful that a change is gonna come (I had to). The fact that the protests continue is also promising, it's not just a #hashtag it appears to be a movement -lets hope it lasts.

- Good tv especially over the last couple of months; Homeland,The Fall, The Missing and loads more. I've actually taken a break from the black reality shows as there is something good to watch on the box, plus they depress/scare/delude me. Don't worry I'll be catching up with them over the Christmas break - I know what I said before but I know I'll be catching up with RHOA and LHHNY.

- London continues to be an amazing city, this year I've been to so many pop ups, film and music festivals, amazing exhibitions, eaten tonnes of great street food and more. My love affair with London continues and every time I make that journey across Blackfriars bridge to my weave specialist after running out of work to catch the train (Lol different hairdressers for different styles is how I roll) to South London, I fall in love with how magical this city is all over again. I adore that view!!!

- Missed artists returning to the fore, Prince, D'Angelo and even Jodeci miming at the Soul Train awards and releasing a new video. Although to be fair I didn't miss Jodeci; I thankfully saw them perform live 20 years ago and haven't been scarred by recent shambolic performances, soz I'm tired and can get a bit bitchy.  I'm also very excited by lots of great music and musicians I've been introduced to this year.

Not so great

- The whole thing about The Interview, I'm scared to say the country's name - can you imagine what may happen?! Although I'm sure if nations with anti-democratic/American ideologies made films about assassinating POTUS the US wouldn't be that happy!!!  Reading the Sony leaked emails has been interesting - I know I shouldn't but I can't resist.

All of our girls still aren't back!!!!!!

Do they know it's Christmas time, not only does it perpetuate an idea of Africa that is a bit holier than thou, assumes that Africa is one big country but it's also factually incorrect. I'm sure lots of Africa's inhabitants are not that concerned about this special period for Christians.

These argurments on intersectionality in feminism, the continuation of the natural hair = blackness/self-love debate (is it 1969) and anything else that wastes time talking about stuff that is of little consequence and takes our eyes of the ball. LIKE THIS BLOG.

That being said I'm out, I will be back in 2015x

New girl crush alert

So of late I've been crushing on Angela Simmons, niece of Russell Simmons and daughter of Rev Run. So I wasn't a big fan of Run's House and I found everyone but Run and the middle son annoying and especially hated Angela's nasal monotone voice but the power of social media - Instagram has provided an insight into how Angela has continued to grow her empire and is now leading the style pack.

Here is a quick run down of why I'm crushing on Angela:

She is a successful business woman and her empire runs further than just Pastry it includes IamAngela which sells clothes and hair.

She is into fitness which I find inspiring she is constantly pushing herself to improve her health and what her body is able to do. A great motivator for me especially when I'm struggling to go to the gym or to my NTC bootcamp.

She seems to be getting her styling down to a T. I love that when she was in Nigeria she represented in ankara styles and silk wrappers and continues to wear them in the States. I also like that she wears highstreet (online) like Virgo's Lounge. One of my go to's for occasion wear - weddings, award dinners, birthday celebrations etc.

All photos from Angela Simmons Instagram account

New female admiration - Chimamanda Adiche

If like me you love to read you may have read books by two of my favourite writers Chimamanda Adichie and Zadie Smith. Last night Zadie hosted a conversation with Chimamanda which was live streamed. Some of you may know Adichie as a featuring artist on Beyoncé's latest album - anyway I'm very much a fan of Chimamanda I love that she presents a view of the Nigerian experience in a way that stirs so many emotions; from lol moments to sadness and everything in between and I have read all of her books.

In the last year or so  really since the beginning of her Americanah (her latest novel) press tour I have watched, read and listened to her TED talk,  interviews and comment pieces and I have found myself to be in agreement with many of her opinions on feminism and her view of the black experience in America and elsewhere. I truly find her a breath of fresh air and see her as someone that I would like to have a chat with.

Anyway its definitely worth watching the discussion (its about an hour in length) http:// m.colorlines.com/archives/2014/03/watch_zadie_smith_and_chimimanda_ngozi_adichie_talk_about_postcolonial_lit.html

Also di read Americanh, I can't recommend it highly enough! I recently attended a reading of Ghana Must Go by Taiye Selasi and when asked by her editor my thoughts on Americanah raved way too much; to the point she told me with disdain that she - Chimamanda was the one that got away. I hardly reread books and when I do its years later but its on my list after Silver Sparrow (current), Water for Elephants (book club read) Half a Yellow Sun (another Chimamanda book that I need to reread before the film is released - Chiwe stars in this film).

P.S If you haven't read Ghana Must Go do!

When I'm too lazy to go to the gym

So since coming back from Malaysia I've been slacking in terms of not eating loads of junk food and going to the gym. I have this weird approach to getting back in to more of a health conscious regime. I start by working out at home, then introducing changes to my diet so that I notice that I'm less bloated or my jeans fit slightly better and then I head back to the gym. This is usually over a couple of weeks and it's the only way I can my head back in the game. I always think see if you put more effort in look and what the results would be. Do you have any weird and wonderful methods to psyche you up to start exercising. Or are you someone who just keeps it up - I think thats going to be my focus from now on. I need to be more consistent and stop yo-yoing.

I go to the gym near my office #gymbox and when I'm on leave or at the weekend I find it difficult to make the trek (all of 25 mins) there.  When its chilly exercise outdoors is a no-no, so I have to find ways to incorporate exercise into my day at home. To be fair I also not a fan of sweating profusely or huffing and puffing in public. So except for a group boot camp I attend sporadically and a outdoor run once or twice a year it's the gym or home for me.

To give you a general idea on my thoughts on exercise this is what my ideal workout would be - copious amounts of shopping which includes speed walking, lifting weights and a sauna (when you're laden with bags and a coat the Tube its awfully hot). But if want to try other methods here are a few that I use:

I hula hoop, I bought a hula hoop a while ago and try to use it whilst watching tv usually for about 15 minutes at a time. If you really go at it, walk around and hula at the same time, use your arms, squat and hula etc you will build up a sweat. It also helps to tone your stomach area. I like it because you can do it anytime and as I said its easy to do whilst catching up with my Sky+ box. I also skip and use the hiit method to do this 40 seconds maximum effort and 30 secs rest for as many rounds as I can do. I try to do 20 minutes but I'm usually dying before I can get to 12.  I use an interval training app on my phone that helps to track the time and tells me when to start, stop and prepare for the next round. I also have an ab roller at home, and fitness bands which I use for arm and leg exercises.

I'm a big fan of Fitness TV Sky channel 282 and I do randomly flick to the channel and join in a work out if there is one I like. There are lots of different types of exercise classes available. Some are regular fitness shows and others are actual fitness videos so you get a good mix. The only downfall is that some of the instructions aren't very good but I guess that's the same for any fitness video. 

Another way I access exercise videos is via YouTube. There are loads of great videos that it can be difficult to know where to start I would definitely check out Fitness Blender, Hip Hop Abs if you like a dance class. There are 1000s of classes to choose from. I've also tried Results with Lucy which is a series of online videos as well as programmes you can purchase and then access online. I liked the range of videos, and the fact Lucy Meckelnburgh (formerly of TOWIE) and her trainer are very down to earth. Some of the exercises are easier and some are pretty intense - day to day I wouldn't use this but it's worth checking out if you like bitesize videos you can pull together and if you need great inspiration - have you seen Lucy's abs!!! The programmes also look really good and some of the testimonials are amazing and show terrific results.

But my favourite way to exercise at home is to dance followed by using my Nike NTC app. If you don't know about the NTC app it's a free app with hundreds of exercises focused on getting lean, toned or strong with exercises you can do for anything from 7 to 45 minutes. Athletes like Serena Williams demonstrate the exercises or alternatively well known trainers like Jeanette Jackson or fitness models. I  also use this in the gym as well but I love that I can do a quick 15 minute workout when I can't get to the gym due to the variety available. I usually only do the 15 minutes ones at home and usually do one cardio and one abs or yoga and I also opt for the no equipment ones as I do not have weights at home - although you could use a tin of beans or two full bottles of water.

Just so you know I'm not super fit, I'm actually far from it but I find that exercising is a good stress reliever I guess it's all those endorphins you release when you're working up a sweat. It also helps me to feel more confident in my appearance. I personally prefer it when I'm slimmer and more toned and with a BMI thats in a healthier range. 

Before you start an exercise regime it's recommended that you consult your GP also if you have any injuries then you need to consider focusing on exercises that are less likely to make your existing injury worse. Think low impact.

Its been a while

So basically I haven't blogged for ages and the reason for this is that so much has been going on in my life. I haven't been able to take a minute to stop, think and blog. I've also been trying to be less opinionated lol which has meant that instead of always having something to say I've been keeping my pov to myself. But now I'm back and I'm going to do my best to keep up the momentum and get on with posting.

Since my last blog post I'm sure you've all been waiting to read this I've:

Continued on my fitness and exercise thang. I love it, the endorphins buzzing around my whole being after a jog or exercise class make me feel great. At the moment I'm trying to increase the length of my jogs (not quite fast enough for runs yet) and I've also cut down on the dance type cardio classes and focus on conditioning. I even have calluses. I'm definitely seeing results but I still have work to do my stomach could be more toned and I need to work on my back and arms.

Been getting my head stuck into interior design as I've been helping with a refurbishment project. Its been really interesting and fun - I now know where you can get really good deals for a new bathroom and how overpriced B&Q is!? Trade shops are so the way forward.

Falling in love with make up again - if you didn't know I previously trained as a make up artist, my clients included everyone from the BBC to a page 3 model and I did everything including bridal, editorial and fashion make up. I once even made up models for a fetish fashion show lol looking back that are a few stories to tell about that night. Anyway I've been stocking up on products, brushes and storage. I'm obsessed by Nars, am a regular Kiko shopper and use Micellar water all the time. I've also been looking into doing an Asian bridal make up course - just because.

These are the current things on my mind:

I'm kind of bored with the whole Lupita thing. She has become the poster child for all representations of black beauty that do not pertain to the traditional Americanised version of what a beautiful black woman looks like. What I find slightly ironic is that Lupita is now identified as another representative of another kind of beauty;  dark skinned, short hair - why aren't all forms of black beautiful celebrated especially as beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder?! Lupita is a fantastic actress lets focus and celebrate that.

I could do with at least a 5 minute break from seeing Lupita everywhere and anywhere - less is sometimes more. I do wonder if she has proven that a black face (and not a white person in dark make up) has no impact on magazine sales - if so I may just have to keep it zipped on this subject.

The Lean In 'Not bossy' campaign.  I get it bossy has negative connotations and is a word usually used to describe girls. Boys aren't bossy they are strong, determined and perhaps wilful, girls are bossy, strong willed and lil misses or madames. But you know what I like bossy girls and bossy boys I like characters who know what they want and who clearly state it. At times I even like it when a child is able to provide a good reason for why you should do something or why they aren't going to do it - doesn't mean its going to happen but they should be able to articulate their position and stand up for it. Because that's what life's about no one wants to admit it but usually lil miss bossy and lil mr headstrong are the type that get shit done. Maybe the campaign shouldn't be 'no to bossy' but 'I was bossy and look where I am now' with quotes from successful men and women. Do you agree did being called bossy as a girl stop you standing up to lead? If girls are sitting back in their late tweens and early teen years then we need to look at why and how we help both sexes to fulfill their potential. For some reason I believe that Michelle Obama, Oprah, Karen Brady etc where all bossy girls - maybe not so bad.

Feminism, intersectionality, black feminism,  the focus on hair or relationship status when discussing  black women. I could go on and will probably discuss these in more detail at some point but for now and because its my bed time - Later and guess who's back, guess who's back.

Race and friendships

So today I read a Guardian comment posted in August that discussed race and friendships; and although it was an interesting piece that talked to the fact that the onus is on ethnic minorities to integrate and that even in London things are pretty segregated I think it missed some fundamental points.

Most of my friends are black, I grew up in a mixed area of London i.e. it wouldn't be described as a black area, went to schools where black people were very much the minority and went to a university where there was a couple of black people in my whole year reading the two subjects my degree is in.  But once I turned 14 or so I would say most of my friends have been black, it wasn't a conscious decision but it just seems to have happened that way. That isn't to say I don't have friends from other backgrounds, as I still have childhood friends, and old work colleagues as well as current ones from other backgrounds but my closest friends or even the people you may see me out with on a Saturday night are all black. And this is why I have a problem with the Guardian's piece the reason for this is, my interests are things I like:

Music - mainly RnB, hip hop, neo soul, funk, afro-beats, funk, rare grooves etc not the pop stuff, and although this is more mainstream now it wasn't when I was younger nights where I can hear this are usually organised by black promoters

Politics - I'm centre left more lib dem than new labour, racial politics and womens issues are my bag

Fashion/beauty - focused on what I like and what works for my skin, hair i.e. black skin, Afro hair

Sport

Travel, eating out, films, theatre  etc

Most of these are pretty generic but there are times when I want to go a film with a majority black cast or have a POV that is specific to my experience growing up as black child in London or something similar and I don't want to explain it or would prefer to share certain experiences with others who will enjoy this (it does beg the question why aren't white people watching shows/films with majority black casts, but will watch 'black' plays?). There is something heart warming about having friends who may not have had the same experience but understand certain things without explanation, what it was like when you washed your hair growing up or the drama of having to explain your hair every time you change a style - this is a weave, no my hair is xxx length kmt or the frustration you have at not being able to go into any shop to buy a foundation! And when shit really hits the fan, i.e. when you need to discuss certain things without being seen as a crazy person who always sees racism as an issue, its much easier to do that in a group who may have a more knowing experience. 

Obviously I'm using extremes to make a point, but as people get older you'll notice that the saying 'birds of a feather flock together' is true and even within black friendship groups you may notice that members have a shared experience based on country of origin, language, religion, or relationship type. And I do think its hilarious when I see groups in my office who hang together, we have little Nigeria, an Indian enclave and a French speaking group but I also understand that there is something unifying about a shared experience and the feeling of excitement I had when I found out my colleagues' parents were also Nigerian and Jamaican - it has given us loads more to talk about.

I would say that are far more integrated than we have ever been before and although we need to consider why we may choose the friends we do, for me at least it isn't a question of race it's more to do with similar interests and shared experiences.

Who wants to eat burnt rice....

So was having a conversation with a guy who is in his late 30s and he was telling me that he prefers to date women in their late 20s. When I asked why he used this analogy 'no one likes burnt rice'; now even though it was kind of cheeky I had to admit that I understood what he meant. For clarity he was referring to women who have been 'burnt' in former relationships and like rice, even though it may only be the bottom of the pot that has been burnt, it affects every other relationship they have.

Now I've had this conversation with a few men over the last couple of months and there seems to be a recurring theme from their POV, women in their 30s are either eager to get married or have been scorned and are slightly hardened and maybe even bitter. Each time I've had this conversation I've stuck up for my gender, and countered the generalist comments. But when having this debate with a married couple, singletons and others in long term relationships either living together or apart most of the women had to admit that they had a 'burnt rice' friend. So this got me thinking why is that, how come some people can't seem to let their past relationships go? Is it because it was that one great love, and if so wouldn't it have worked out?!!

I have to admit I totally don't understand the bitterness and I truly believe that the reason people feel that way is because they haven't truly given themselves the chance to get over their relationship. I ultimately believe that it takes a good 9 months minimum to get over a lost love, and think its weird when someone goes straight back and starts dating after a break up. On the other end of the scale I'm always astonished when friends talk about their ex as if they were meant to be or get jealous about their new relationship. I'm always happy for anyone I've ever dated when they marry, have children, get engaged etc; it's a wonderful thing for their lives to progress with the right woman for them, and I'm happy in the knowledge that they weren't the right person for me! At the time I may not have felt that way but now I'm 100% sure that's the case!

Guys please understand that most 30+ women are amazing, in a good place career wise, confident and cultured. Think about it this way Beyonce is in her 30s and Rihanna is in her mid 20s, one understands her status and lives up to it, the other is wearing swimming costumes to go shopping. Just remember one burnt pot of rice, shouldn't end your love of jollof, rice n peas, special fried rice or whatever takes your fancy.

Must watch new show alert

So as you all know I am a major tv addict and this week is a good week for the following reasons:

Luther is back yes IDRIS is back on our screens. Luther is synonymous with so many good things, music, tv, a sexy brother! Anyway what makes Luther so good is the actual show my pulse was racing; I screamed twice I was thrilled. Cannot wait until next week and have downloaded this week's episode to watch on my mid week work trip.

The other show that I'm reeling on is Being Mary Jane which stars Gabrielle Union. It's a great show and the 1 hour  pilot promises so much, can't wait for the series to start in autumn. Being Mary Jane features Gabrielle as a successful black 30 something who has it all except someone to share it with and a family who leans on her for support. The show has humour, sex, female friendships and family dynamics. Definitely do check it out I watched it over on Mr World Premiere. 

Is 'light skin the right skin' Dark Girls - thoughts on the documentary

So I'm watching Dark Girls a documentary that looks at colourism within the African-American community. Watching the doc I am surprised by some of the comments;  I wasn't aware that some black women hated themselves because they are dark or believed no one would love them. I'm a dark girl NW45 if that means something to you and I have never had that problem. Growing up people have said to me your pretty for a dark girl and my friend's step dad loved to call me black, but it never affected me in that way. I've never felt that I'm unattractive because of my complexion; I've never wanted to be lighter - my sister is fair and both my parents are lighter than me. I did think why am I darker but not because I disliked being dark it just seemed weird;  especially when you're only 5 years old and DNA or regressive genes are outside of your thought process.

As I said I was shocked and surprised by some of the content of the doc, although I know some people dislike their skin tone and others try to change it by bleaching I didn't realise that it had such a profound affect on some people. All I can say is wow! Let me share some of the comments/scenes that stood out to me from the film :

'I felt like someone took a dagger to my heart when my friend said 'I'm glad the baby didnt come out dark''

'It's taboo for a dark skin man and woman to be together' - really!!

'Dark women are meaner because they've had to deal with more than white/lighter skin women.'

A woman saying they hated their father because their skin tone was inherited from him.

A young child picked the good looking and smart child because she is white and said the dark child is ugly and unintelligent.

I found this particularly sad;  we need to ensure we are promoting self-love within our children.

Even Viola Davies shared that she has used therapy to deal with childhood taunts about her tone.

Do watch the show you can catch it on Mr World Premiere. I would really love to hear your thoughts and what stood out for you. If you haven't got a spare hour you can watch the trailer to find out more about the documentary. 

Until next time
Nadie x

Summer time shoes

So summer is here which means a few key things for me:

Regular pedicures -as the toes are exposed

New sandals - which I've been delaying buying because it's not hot enough

Strappy heels - to offset the shorts.

For some people summer shoes equal blisters but I'm lucky enough that I hardly ever have that problem but when I have I've found blister plasters a godsend. I recently got sent a box of Compeed's Blister plasters which included some that are specifically for high heels and sit right on the heel - which is such a painful place to get a blister and a normal blister plaster Compeed Blister Medium.

Although I haven't had an opportunity to use them I really like the packaging of the heel plasters - it's something you can keep in your female essentials bag (I have a make up bag with a comb, brush, hairbands etc in) and use when necessary, hobbling down the street due to blister pain is never a good look. What I like most about these plasters are that they are transparent and cushioned so they are far less obvious than a traditional plaster.  I always look at people who have skin tone plasters on their feet and think who does that lol; it's like socks and sandals if you ask me!

Need somewhere to go, in need of something to do

I'm always looking for new and different things to do so when details of the We love the 90s film fest were shared with me I was excited as I love the 90s and I love films.

The festival runs over four days and gives movie-goers the opportunity to watch some of the 90s cult classic at the Portabello pop up cinema. Organised by Tees and Cees, each film is introduced by a creative.  The film fest runs from the 25-28 July, with a movie being shown each night and  films include Poetic Justice, Clueless, White Men Can't Jump and House Party.  You can find out more at http://www.teesandcees.org/welovethe90sfilmfest/.

Tickets are only £5 which is a bargain. Ive got mine although I still need to decide if I'm turning up in full 90s gear.

New music from Daley

Yes new music from Daley, who I'm a fan of. If like me you were late to the party then please do check out his previous work, my personal favourite song is Game Over although I also love his duet with Marsha Ambrosious. Do check out his latest single on his website where you can also sign up to receive his new EP for free.

Another artist that I'm feeling at the moment is part of Neyo's Compound camp Ravaughn and since hearing her song Best Friend being played on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta I'm totally in love. Love her voice and the song, it's been on serious replay for the last two weeks, at home work and on my travels #obsessed, will be checking out the album when it drops.

Moving towards your target customer

So I'm not sure if I've ever shared this on the blog but I work in marketing and have done so since I left uni, many moons ago. Working in the industry I look at advertising differently then most other consumers; so when I watch an advert on tv I don't just think about is it entertaining or would I buy that product, I actually look at what is the underlying message they were trying to convey or who is the advert targeted at (yes, watching tv with me can be rather boring).

This morning I woke up to read two moans from two different sources about two completely different ways that a company/brand  (different organisations) had chosen to proceed and it riled me up enough to write a post. The first of these was on The Daily Mail online (which I'm addicted to reading even though I'm bound to find at least one article that makes my blood boil); a response to Marks & Sparks new lingerie line.  Now we all know that M&S is a British institution but if I'm honest I haven't bought anything in there for the last 5 years that wasn't food or a card.So this morning when I saw the new lingerie range I was kind of excited, excited enough to contemplate actually venturing to M&S on my lunch break (not today but in the near future) to check it out. The clothes side of the business is declining so I'm sure they would love to get me (and others like me) in their doors, for a number of reasons:

I'm totally addicted to shopping and shop regularly. I buy on sight - if I want it I'm buying it, life is too short to be weighing up if I need it.

I have money to spend. 

So when I see articles complaining that most M&S shoppers in their 60s want comfy knickers and not the uncomfortable new collection it gets my goat because what the author fails to realise is that the range isn't aimed at the traditional customer but at me who may just purchase on a whim and isn't wearing those undies for comfort!! What really annoys me is that I have little faith that M&S will wholeheartedly follow through with this strategy -one season I'll see some really cool stuff and the next it's back to good old M&S basics. But consistency is key if they are really focused on getting Nadie and her fellow shopaholics through the door and if they want to see long term growth rather than short term profit.

The second example is a response to Nike's We Own the Night women's only race and womens races in general. Although I didn't attend or race,  I have been to a few Nike Training Club events which I've really enjoyed. The general feedback on the event was that it was a great but slightly tacky and too focused on an image of women that could be seen as frivalous (post race manicures etc). Again when I read the post on Spikes and Heels I thought yes it does sound a bit OTT and slighly passe but I'm sure the event wasn't aimed at running enthusiasts but at those women who want to get fitter, have never ever entered a race or signed up because a friend was doing it ie me if I ever signed up to a race. Would I want to get a manicure post race probably not but pre race when I'm thinking why the hell have I signed up to do this especially as I haven't done a lot of training; yes please as a distraction from the regret I would be feeling. The motivation signs during the course sound like real motivators to run even faster to pass them as quickly as possible

So you are probably wondering what is the point of this post as I dont actually disagree with some of the viewpoints and I guess its to say although the customer is always right, the truth of the matter is that you may not actually be the customer that the product is aimed at and just like a tv show we don't like (switch it off) we have the choice to shop somewhere else or not 'buy' the product. But I also wanted to send a big blog hug to my fellow marketers everyone thinks we have amazing jobs (and personally I think we do) but sometimes feedback can be hard to take - I feel their pain.

Products I love - foundation

I haven't found a product I love for a while but the other day I decided to try a new foundation, mainly because I haven't renewed my MAC card and refuse to pay full price for any MAC products. Anyway I've been hearing great things about the Revlon foundations so decided to check it out for myself and I love it. Let me tell you why:

1. Even with primer foundation seems to melt off my skin - it doesn't with this foundation.
2. My make up still looks good, contouring, blusher etc are still there at the end of the day on top of this foundation - I actually have to reduce the amount of blusher I apply to prevent myself from looking like a clown.
3. Skin isn't breaking out, clogged or looking luck lustre.
4. Base doesn't feel heavy, actually I look flawless without actually feeling like I have anything.
5. I've been able to start using my other primers which I always felt were a let down, especially as I need to restock my much loved Smashbox one.

I'm currently using the Revlon PhotoReady in Cappucino as I'm still sun kissed from my holiday. I can only say that I ADORE this product, based on the price, I think it was £8.99 and its performance. I use a foundation brush to apply my foundation, so the coverage is slightly heavier than if you use a sponge or your finger, but personally I don't feel that it looks caked on. In the after photo I have on primer - Smashbox, concealer - Sleek and foundation - Revlon, concealer applied using finger and foundation with a MAC brush.

Sorry about the quality of the photos - I blame the iPad.

A subject that's never discussed

Saw this article (link below) and had to share, its definitely a subject that isn't discussed - when the female partner has a higher sex drive than her male counterpart. There is a belief that women don't really like sex, and to be fair I have a few friends who state that they have sex with their husbands once a month like its their duty?! Anyway each to their own, do take a read and let me know what you think. Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt you weren't being intimate regularly enough to meet your needs?  Have you ever had to cajole your partner to have sex with you?

Sex Confessions: 13 Women Who Want Sex More Than Their Male Partners Share Their Stories - The Huffington Post.

I've previously been in a relationship where we had very different needs, it's a very difficult thing to deal with. In the end it was another indicator of how different we were.

Personally I found it interesting to read these womens stories. Let me know what you think.