Who wants to eat burnt rice....

So was having a conversation with a guy who is in his late 30s and he was telling me that he prefers to date women in their late 20s. When I asked why he used this analogy 'no one likes burnt rice'; now even though it was kind of cheeky I had to admit that I understood what he meant. For clarity he was referring to women who have been 'burnt' in former relationships and like rice, even though it may only be the bottom of the pot that has been burnt, it affects every other relationship they have.

Now I've had this conversation with a few men over the last couple of months and there seems to be a recurring theme from their POV, women in their 30s are either eager to get married or have been scorned and are slightly hardened and maybe even bitter. Each time I've had this conversation I've stuck up for my gender, and countered the generalist comments. But when having this debate with a married couple, singletons and others in long term relationships either living together or apart most of the women had to admit that they had a 'burnt rice' friend. So this got me thinking why is that, how come some people can't seem to let their past relationships go? Is it because it was that one great love, and if so wouldn't it have worked out?!!

I have to admit I totally don't understand the bitterness and I truly believe that the reason people feel that way is because they haven't truly given themselves the chance to get over their relationship. I ultimately believe that it takes a good 9 months minimum to get over a lost love, and think its weird when someone goes straight back and starts dating after a break up. On the other end of the scale I'm always astonished when friends talk about their ex as if they were meant to be or get jealous about their new relationship. I'm always happy for anyone I've ever dated when they marry, have children, get engaged etc; it's a wonderful thing for their lives to progress with the right woman for them, and I'm happy in the knowledge that they weren't the right person for me! At the time I may not have felt that way but now I'm 100% sure that's the case!

Guys please understand that most 30+ women are amazing, in a good place career wise, confident and cultured. Think about it this way Beyonce is in her 30s and Rihanna is in her mid 20s, one understands her status and lives up to it, the other is wearing swimming costumes to go shopping. Just remember one burnt pot of rice, shouldn't end your love of jollof, rice n peas, special fried rice or whatever takes your fancy.

Are you the majority breadwinner in your household

I have just read the first chapter in 'Rocking your role'- the how to guide to success for female breadwinners by Jenny Garrett. Garrett uses her leadership and coaching expertise to provide guidance for women on accepting and being successful in their role as the main earner in their households. I've only read the first chapter so can't really comment on the book, but I have to say it's an interesting topic and one that's probably not discussed openly. Garrett mentions that some women feel angry as they have had to take on this responsibility or others relish being a success and bringing home the bacon.

When discussing this topic within my own circle of friends the majority have stated that they would prefer their significant other to be the main breadwinner. But stats from a survey conducted in 2010 indicate that 20% of the women in the UK are the chief breadwinner in their household. I'm sure as we are now in a triple dip recession  these numbers continue to grow. In my own personal fairy tale, I'd marry someone who was wealthy have babies and stay at home. I would like to work because it gave me something to do rather then having to pay the bills.

Don't get me wrong I enjoy my work but I also love my own free time and would prefer to work to pursue my own passions whilst being on hand to look after my children. I've been the person running around to pick up someone from nursery or after school club and hoping they don't get sick because I have a meeting or project I need to finish and if I'm honest it's not something I really want to do again. But if my husband wanted to stay at home and I went to work then so be it especially if that was the financially savvy thing to do. A colleague at work recently took 6 months paternity leave to look after his baby whilst his wife went back to work, making use of the ability to share maternity leave between the father and mother. Which I personally feel is wonderful.

Society needs to move with the times and if Rocking your role helps more women embrace their breadwinner status then I'm all for it. Some of the most revered women in the world were or are currently the chief breadwinners in their households, Michelle Obama before she became FOTUS was earning more than Barack and had been from the time they started dating and Oprah has been keeping Stedman for years.

If you like to find out more about Jenny Garrett and her book visit rockingyourrole.com

Taking away the COOKIE

So its been reported that recently engaged Megan Good has decided to put her man on a cookie diet (no sex until they married). As the 'diet' implies they were having sex so this decision has been made to help make their wedding night extra special, to bring them closer to God as they move towards their union or just because.

Now as a young all knowing woman I was confident that I would follow the path Megan and her fiancé have chosen. Wanting to bring something special to my wedding night (blame Hollywood - Mystic Pizza) I had grand ideas of having a bit of a break for 2 to 3 months before getting married.

Even when your not in a relationship celibacy is hard so making the decision to not have sex for an extended period when in a committed relationship and engaged is a bold choice, but as their marriage will be based on many facets of love why not. We all know when you haven't had your favourite junk food for a while the first bite always tastes so good!