Being a black woman today

So a friend shared an article with me today, in the hope that I would comment on it; and to appease her and generally because I think it's an interesting topic here goes.

The Washington Post and the Kaiser Family Foundation have produced some rather interesting research that centres on black women in America and their lifestyle. As I said there are some interesting statistics and its worth taking a look at what the outcomes are (I would be very interested to see a similar study produced in the UK) especially as it compares attitudes from both white and black men and women. There is even a whole set of questions on the attitude towards Michelle Obama; who in my personal opinion personifies Maya Angelou's Phenomenal Woman poem (thanks Mum for reading this to me throughout my childhood).

There are quite a few articles on The Washing Post  that cover this topic but what really stuck in my mind was this article article, and the accompanying video that can be found on the page;  covering the shifting portraits of black women in America. Having the first African American family in the White House, two black women being nominated for Oscars and the dominance of some of our black female artists in the music world, it should be evident that black women are a force to be reckoned with; we've truly arrived (well we were always here) and the glass ceiling has been smashed. I could share tons of research that proves that this isn't the case, only 1.9% of Fortune 500 companies have a black woman on their board compared to nearly 13% which include white women; but that's not the purpose of this blog post.

What interests me is the fact that articles like this and research on this topic are being published by media outlets like the Washington Post, showing a massive step up from where we were even a couple of years ago; and is a clear indication that things are changing. However before we become too congratulatory we need to consider why 60 years after the Civil Rights Bill was passed we are still segregating the views of black women as if we are a completely separate species?!?!

Even though I say this, and I'm hopeful that at some point in the near future we will be identified by are own special interests rather than the colour of our skin, the research and The Posts publication of the articles are welcomed and in my view are a clear reminder of how far we have to go in the UK.

There is lots to read and comment on, so I would recommend that you read the articles. I'd really love to  read your comments on:

1. Why black women are happier with their body size (and generally have higher self-esteem) than our white counterparts and to what extent do you think that this is to related to the previous lack of widespread representation of black women in the media?
   
2.  If things have really changed, the stereotypes of black women still exist and we are doing little to stop them, I would actually go as far as to say we are actually reinforcing them i.e. the oversexualisation of black women in the music industry and the angry black women phenomenon in black reality shows i.e. Love & HipHop and Real Housewives of Atlanta (I've yet to watch Basketball Wives - should I bother)?
   
3. What being a black woman means to you, and if any of the issues raised are relevant to black women in the UK or elsewhere?
   
4.  Do you think that women in the UK share similar concerns regardless of ethnicity and that surveys like this are useless?

If you would prefer not to comment, feel free to tweet me @nadie79. I would also like to say a big thank you to all the women in my life family, friends, acquaintances and women who I've never met making strides in all walks of life who inspire me, you've ensured that my head is always kept high x

The Rihanna debate

So all though not confirmed it seems that a lot of people are getting their knickers in an almighty

knot about the fact that Rihanna and Chris Brown may be back together. Grazia have covered the reported reunion in their 'This week's conversation' section with a 5 page spread and a range of comments including opinion from Barbara Ellen stating Rihanna has 'betrayed young women....'!

I'm not even going to go into my normal rant that people jump and down to Jay Z whose career is based on the fact that he sold crack (where do you think he got the money to set up Rocafella); and as an outcome would have destroyed endless lives (not just the addicts) and then regularly vilefy Chris. I'm no fan, but obviously Rihanna's face is more important than crack babies or other innocent victims of drug dealers!  Anyway to get back to the point, it's a rather slow news week, it was half-term last week after all;   but even so the furore is a little OTT. I normally have an opinion on everything but on this particular subject my views are:

1. I was not in that car and unless you were there or have a friend who personally works for them or know someone who can give you personal insight into the nature of their relationship, I suggest you focus on what you are having for dinner tomorrow.
   
   
2. Rihanna is like any other person on this earth, being famous doesn't mean you get a extra dose of common sense and therefore her choices should be judged in the same way that anyone elses are i.e 'not me, and if that was my [add female relative] would tell her..... but good luck to her'.
   
   
3.  Get a life, I love celebrity gossip like millions of people but any singer, sportperson, celebrity etc is just a person. They are not role models and they shouldn't be expected to live their lives in a way that we can all follow suit. The Royal Family have been trying to do it for generations and they still fail eg Prince Charles and the Duke of Windsor; so what hope has Robyn from Barbados got.
   
   
4.  Moaning about it isn't going to do anything at all. If they are back together, and this has yet to be confirmed, do you think they really give a shit what you think?! They have both released remixes featuring each other, with lyrics such as 'I've missed you' and 'put your name on it' rubbing your judgemental noses in it!!
   
   
5. This is the type of situation where you run your mouth, it happens to you and your back tracking quicker than Usain Bolt; because lets be fair it could happen to anyone. I know someone who was in a relationship for over 7 years and the abuse didn't start until the last year; totally unexpected and out of the blue.
   

Now I'm not condoning domestic abuse at all; I know one too many people (doesn't make sense but you get the drift) who has been a victim of domestic abuse and my go to response to any friend, relative or person I overhear talking about this situation would be 'leave him alone'! But I know that any situation where you are in love with a person and you need to let go is difficult; and this situation isn't any different. Rather than scorning Rihanna, or getting ready to say 'I told you so', use this opportunity to:

• speak out about your own domestic violence experience.
  
• to tell your daughters, nieces etc why they should never be in a situation where they feel that its okay for someone to lay hands on them.
• to support a domestic violence charity
  

 Some domestic violence facts from Women's Aid


1 in 4 women will be victims of domestic abuse
1 incident of domestic violence is reported to the police every minute
On average every week 1 or 2 women are killed by a male partner or former partner each week.

Just in case you thought I was blaming men, men make up 40% of the victims of spousal abuse each year.

5 things I'm grateful for ..

1. I'm a massive Arsenal fan, so all I'm going to say is 5-2.

2. The weekend, I've had a very crazy week this week so the weekend has been a much needed break from a week where I spent way too many hours in the office. It's the start of a very busy period for me so weekends are going to be blessings in themselves and I will making the most of them.

3. Spring, looks like the cold weather that we experienced in February is in the distant past. I've ramped up the pedicures and body exfolitation to make sure I'm in top shape for the summer. Next step is to make use of my gym membership!!

4. I've booked my first trip out of the country for 2012, looking forward to going away and having a break from the rat race.

5.Anyone who has read the blog, I know I ramble but thanks for reading xx

Competitive or SAD dressing

So lately - well ever since it was -1oC during the day - I have started wearing jeans to work at least 3 times a week. Actually it may be fair to say that Fridays may actually need to be referred to as 'dress up Fridays' as the pull of going straight out after work means I put a lot more effort into my attire. But it's not only the adverse weather conditions that have led to this change, the departure of one of my closest colleagues (Mrs H) has also had an impact on my work wardrobe.

Mrs H was a shopper like myself and ensured that her work wardrobe had that element of on trend fashion with her own style and therefore always looked on point. She also advocated the 'I refuse to wear a two piece suit' rule and effortlessly used on trend blazers and unique accessories to show her personality. She understood that looking like a drone (in a Next suit) would bring her out in hives and much more ...

So after realising that my granny shoes (tan loafers)  have become office staples and my work heels are all in my shoe cupboard at home rather than the shoe box I have at work. I started to wonder if the cause of the demise of my status as 'the most fashionable women at my work' a title given to me by one of our directors (he meant it positively) is because there is no one there to appreciate my fashion buys, style acumen or who I would give a true answer to where did you get that from. Please note when I say I don't remember it's not that I'm lying is just a nicer way of me saying erm really!

So after pondering this for a while (yeah I know I can be trivial at times) I came to the conclusion that I'm either a competitive dresser, not that I'll upstage you or anything I know when I need to be the bridesmaid; or I have Seasonal Affective Disorder dress sense.

Now some of you may be wondering what I mean by a competitive dresser so I'll explain:

1. Have you ever gone somewhere seen someone in a pair of shoes or dress or whatever that you have a similar one to at home and thought yeah I'm gonna rock that tomorrow but add this Or that and make it look even better; bearing in mind you will be the only person who knows you've taken this item to another styling level?

2. Do you hate shopping in the sales because you know that unless it's that one item that was overpriced and was quite unique every Chantal, Simone and Jackie will have it and it's really not about that; plus isn't it time to move on to next season?

3. Do you actually go into panic mode when someone has the last item of clothing that you were eyeing up in their hand, do you stalk them as they walk round the shop or do you msg all your friends with a photo of said item asking them to see if the local ... has it and to buy it if they do because even though your wardrobe is bursting at the seams, this one item will help take everything up an extra notch?

4. Do you actually look at people who say 'I have nothing to wear' and think I have a least 3 outfits that I could pull together that I've never worn and are amaze balls and go online to see what you can get to replace the 'that's just something I got out of the closet' look because you really are one of those people that's got it like that?

Got to love Posh, she takes overdressed to another level

5. Do you actually believe that you can never be overdressed because as long as you look on point it's ok? Yeah it may be a little OTT going to Starbucks in that dress and those heels, but no one knows I'm only going to Starbucks and if I don't wear it here where else am I'm going to wear it!!??!!

If you can say yes to any of the above then you a competitive dresser or the real Carrie Bradshaw.

Alternatively the onset of the cold spell;  whilst even though we all know Feb is the coldest month of the year and shops are trying to sell us bikinis (with modern processes why are shops still stocked in this way) may have led to you holding on to your winter warmers extra tight. Thoughts of wearing pastels before Spring has any idea its meant to have sprung or considering if the opulent baroque look doesn't really seem fitting when we are still in an economic depression are as close as I've got to updating my wardrobe and so as jeans are always on point (ask Kate Moss) I'm sticking to them for now; unless I can somehow find a way to tone down my metallic pleated skirt for the office?

I want to see

Saw this tweeted and checked it out

Question Bridge: Black Males is a transmedia art project that seeks to represent and redefine Black male identity in America. Through video mediated question and answer exchange, diverse members of this "demographic" bridge economic, political, geographic, and generational divisions.

Hope it comes to the UK.

I like this ...

black art blog

5 things I'm grateful for ...

There are many things in life that I'm grateful but sometimes you need to take a minute to say 'thank you' and appreciate all the wonderful, or nice, or just ok things or people in your life. I'm definitely a believer that everyone and everything that happens in life is for a reason and in addition that you can learn from it all. Each week I will blog what I'm grateful for:

1. The other day my son came into my room to watch CNN with me, not very significant I know but he is 13; which means I am probably the most annoying person in his whole universe. So the fact he asked to come in and watch a news channel is quite flattering. Unfortunatley when the programme had finished I said he could choose something else and we ended up watching WWE.

2. Yesterday I went to see Yolanda Brown courtesy of a friend who gave me tickets. Firstly thank you so much AJ!! The gesture is and was very much appreciated. I thoroughly enjoyed the show and I would highly recommend catching her on tour if you can. I love seeing and hearing music performed live, music is life! I will be buying the new (debut) album 'April showers, May flowers', do check it out.

3. Being able to forgive. One of my faults is holding grudges; I spoke to a dear friend this week who said if 'you can't move on, move out'! It's made me think about a situation in my life that I had moved away from but still hasn't been resolved, so I'm going to try to understand why it happened and then try to forgive so that I can move on.

4. This week I had to be at work before 9 am on three occasions. I normally get into the office at 10am so I'm glad this week is over.

5. For life; that everyone close to me is living and breathing and healthy; oh yeah and Sky+.

Things a man shouldn't do - the handbag episode.

On my tube journey home from work I saw a young lady walking without her handbag, so as a person who has all sorts of rubbish in her bag, dumps everything into the abyss and then routinely holds up everyone at the barrier looking for her Oyster I thought 'wow, check her out'.  But low and behold whilst checking out the situation for a while, I noticed that she was walking with whom I could only assume was her boyfriend who was CARRYING HER HANDBAG.

See I'm all for a man bag, I've even actively encouraged male friends, ex boyfriends and male work colleagues to invest in a soft leather bag a la Kanye (don't you just love a man who can accesorise!!!!), but there are some unwritten rules and they go like this:

1. Men should only carry your bag for no more than 1 minute at a time.
2. If a man has to hold your bag they should act as if they are unsure how to hold it.
3. Said bag should be held like a bomb is inside it.
4. Man must look uncomfortable holding said bag.
5. Man should not be swinging it like it's his own accessory.

 Now there will be some people who say 'so what he was holding her bag' and to you I say I'm glad you are far more evolved than I am, but I will say it loud and clear;  I would be uncomfortable with a partner who was at ease carrying my bag or carried it all the way home. Pathetic maybe - but there are some things you just can't help feeling and that's one of them (please see image of Pharrell above as to why a man holding a woman's bag is never a good thing (even more scary I think this bag is his!!!).

However men of the world don't be confused, as you know women are complex creatures as well as quite individual so I am sure there are some (I've yet to meet one) who would love to have a man they could call on to hold their bag for a couple of minutes whilst they rest their arms. But if this isn't the case and the ladies in your life share a similar outlook on this issue don't worry, there are still a number of opportunities for you to assist us in carrying: our luggage, shopping bags, parcels and the rubbish bags outside to the bins.

In a perfect world ...

She really needed a man to help her and where is her handbag??

My packing motto is similar to the Scouts 'always be prepared'

That's all folks
Nadie

Valentine's day

Although I'm not one to really celebrate Valentine's day, the conversation I had today showed that I may need to work on the romance. This conversation was over dinner in a restaurant and we were both taping away on are phones.

Me: 'Do I need to get you something for Valentine's Day?'
Him: 'No do I need to get you a card?'
Me: 'Yes, should we meet for lunch'
Him: 'I have an hour from 12pm'

I stop looking at my iPhone and pull out my Blackberry  to check my calendar

Me: 'I can't I have meetings at 12pm for 30 mins and then from 1pm'
Him: 'What are you doing on Friday?'
Me: after a long pause 'I think I'm free'

Asign of the times?!!?

I'm probably going to be reprimanded for sharing this, so this may be the first and last time lol.But really can't complain x

Best Beauty buys

Hiya,

Firstly thanks for reading this, especially as its bound to be lots of rambling from me. Well I'm guessing if you're reading this post then you have to be a friend, a relative or a lover (lol) but just in case you're not and you have no idea who I am or what I'm into lets make one thing clear I AM ALL THINGS BEAUTY MAD! I'm a trained MUA and beauty product junkie; I own 90% of all the products that appear in the 'Must have' beauty lists;  In Style's Beauty Buys has a premium spot on my beauty night stand and I spend quite a lot of time in Space NK and HOF beauty floors (worked out that StriVectin really does work by trialing every day).

Anyway I'm sure just like me you have your favourite beauty products, but as a black woman I'm somewhat dismayed that when the mainstream beauty product lists are compiled they only include foundations for black skins. But if you've seen my bathroom and bedroom (and that of my female friends and family) you'll know (and Mr Pak surely does) that the black pound, especially when it comes to hair & beauty products is STRONG. So why isn't there acknowledgement of all the hair and other products we use?! Like many other women toner, primer, serum, highlighter creams and moisturiser are all required before I even consider concealer and or foundation and some brands and products are more appropriate for women of colour. Let me tell you I've had some bad experiences; a certain primer that made my skin look ashy was thrown away after one use.

So yesterday morning after applying Keracare's Silken Seal to my hair after a night of sleeping under the covers due to the cold, I started to think "this is a hall of fame" product and if I created Nadine's Hall of Fame it would be top of the list! Silken Seal has ensured my hair doesnt look 'sweat out' after Spin sessions, sweat box raves and steamy nights of passion and to be fair I couldn't live without it. So like any woman worth her sort,  I asked my girls for their opinions and here are a few of our must have's:

MAC Select cover up concealer - I actually prefer the Ruby and Millie concealers (now no longer available in Boots) but one of my girls says she couldn't live without her MAC concealer and I know that she never leaves home without one in her bag. If she does I'm often called on to meet her with my MAC card so she can benefit from my discount.

Getting ready for bed ( I'm not that bad) a few of my Dermalogica products

Mizani H20 Intense - another product that has saved my hair from disaster. I only wrap my hair for the first two weeks after I get it relaxed so it's always in need of intense moisture and this works.

Dermalogica Precleanse - I love the whole Dermalogica range so could mention any of their products but if I had to choose one it would be this. Actually I can't just choose one I have to add the Daily Microfoliant to this, when I give make up lessons I advocate good skin care and get clients to test the Precleanse; but the Microfoliant is another staple in my bathroom.

Bio-oil - I love this oil; I use it everywhere. One very good use is when your weave is on its last legs, I swear by adding a few drops at bedtime and wrapping your weave;  like magic the next day it will look like you've added some fresh lines. I've told my girls about this and some of them also use this technique; but please only a few drops otherwise you will have the greasy weave look.

MAC Skin Base Visage - one of my friends who is also a MUA swears by this product and uses it on all her clients who all seem to love it. Its a great product, I also recommend Make Up Forever's HD primer; harder to find but just as good.

Creme of Nature Detangling & Conditioning Shampoo - my natural hair friends gave this shampoo a major shout out. I love the Moroccan Hair Oil shampoos, but the general consensus was we want our hair to feel moisturised and silky smooth after washing and these products did the job.

Cheap and cheerful range - As a black woman I feel my skin is in need of moisture but is also quite oily and quite sensitive so the Simple products are great and cheap. I've yet to find a better wipe at this price point!!

This is just a selection of mine and my girls (thanks ladies) views on some of our favourite products. Do let me know what would feature on your 'must have' lists the best will be added to Nadie Say's 'Hall of Fame'.

Thanks for reading Nadie