Jada let Willow cut her hair and it changed my perspective on parenthood

On lots of the blogs and websites I read as well as the Twitter feeds of those I follow there has been lots of commentary on the Facebook post made by Jada Pinkett-Smith on Willow's hair cut. It seems to have resonated with black women either as a shining example of a loving mother who supports her children or as someone who has lost the concept of the mother and child relationship. Willow cutting her hair has never been any of my concern and although I had seen photos I hadn't thought much about it at all.

Having read Jada's response to those who have criticised her for allowing Willow to cut her hair (could there be any other reason for publicly sharing this) I still have the same feelings I've always had about the Smith family. I think it's wonderful that Jada and Will support their children wholeheartedly in their endeavours and that they are raising them to have a conscience and wider sense of the world than the amazing lifestyle to which they were born. But what I truly don't understand is why with all the contacts they have and the knowledge they have; that they haven't allowed their kids to just be kids. Safe in the knowledge that when they are adults they can utilise their networks to support their careers.

As a parent I've tried to consider what I would do in their position. But I just don't understand this need in parents - Joe Blogs or Madonna - to push their children to work and be famous. If my child wanted to sing or act I would support them in crafting their skill in preparation for their future. Although I think it's important to push your children and support their success; I also sincerely believe that fame brings so many unnecessary pressures and I would hope to protect my children from this.

If I'm honest the Smith family dynamic intrigues me; I am somewhat old skool and when I read or hear Jada say things like 'Willow said 'we had to do something about this'' or 'she wanted to cut her hair because she is not defined by her beauty [paraphrasing]' it challenges my own thoughts on the boundaries of parenthood and the parent child relationship, and I had a laid-back upbringing- so go figure.

In their position would I let my 10 yr old daughter have a number 2 cut - I think not; but having read Jada's response I know this is for my own selfish reasons and need to assert my parental authority. If I'm honest I don't give a monkeys why Jada and Will supported Willow and allowed her to cut her hair; and by all accounts Willow is a child who has wisdom way beyond her years. Yet all the hub bub has helped me remember that as parents we are here to guide our children so they can be the best person they can be and at times that can be a challenge; but that's the job.

See gossip sites and tv can be educational and thought-provoking.

One of my favourite places - the V&A

When I was growing up there were a group of kids on my road who hung out together. We went to youth club, camping, Wood Craft together (a bit like Guides but mixed - even then, and pro the environment and sustainability) and generally spent a lot of time at each others houses.

On cold rainy days we would ask to do one of two things, go to a museum or to go to the wave session at Britannia;  which probably tells you a lot about my childhood. But this is really where my love of museums stems from and probably why I still love architecture and looking at historic finds to this day. I'm truly mesmerized by seeing and trying to understand how people lived centuries and decades ago including what they wore, their culture and the amazing feats they achieved (this could be just living) without many of the comforts we have.

Other than travelling where I am able to immerse myself in different cultures, I find another way to get my fix is by visiting museums. Living in London I have an opportunity to visit these regularly and best of all for free (or a small donation). My favourite museum of all is the V&A (I have a liking for all things Victoriana) and over the next few weeks plan to see a few exhibitions there. One that is free that I'm keen to check out is http://www.vam.ac.uk/content/articles/v/v-and-a-africa-exploring-hidden-histories/, which looks at the museum's African archive and reflects on the changing attitude to the collection since the Victorian era.

It looks like it will be quite interesting and I'm gutted that I missed a talk today by the curator about the exhibits. I plan to go in the next couple of weeks so I'll let you know my thoughts. Hopefully one of the 'lates' will encompass this.

Forgiveness

If I'm truly honest with myself then my biggest flaw has to be my inability to forgive people for things they have done in the past. It's not that I hold grudges it's just that much like a panic room I shut down completely from the person or situation where there is an issue or I feel hard done by.

Today someone said to me that I need to learn to forgive and over the last 6 months or so I've been working on this (obviously a lot more work needs to be done). In some areas I'm probably better than this than others; but this is definitely a work in progress. What I've learnt is that for me being able to forgive is about three key things, trust - regaining that trust you had in a person, understanding - being able to see things from another persons perspective and ownership - taking responsibility for your own actions that led to the situation in the first place.

It's kind of a somber post but that's where my head is right now.

In other news I went to a fabulous wedding the other day coordinated by A Class Events. Even though it was the wedding of a really close friend I have to admit that it was one of the best weddings I had been to in a while. Check me in full wedding mode.

Speak soon
Nade

Women of the year

So it's awards season and that means numerous womens magazines and female friendly programmes (ok Womens Hour - note this is only available on the radio) are asking for votes and awarding their Woman of the Year awards. With so many women making outstanding achievements this year who would I pick, who has inspired me or who do I admire. So here goes - the Nadie says Women of the Year are:

Michelle Obama - we all know I love the First Lady so I'm guessing this is no surprise. Amazing, strong, loving, intelligent and all whilst being a mother, wife and President's representative in front of the media.

Beyonce - motherhood seems to have made Beyonce more endearing. The way she represented whilst pregnant and then her return to the stage not long after having Blue Ivy - dayum.

Doreen Lawrence - for continually striving for justice and for supporting others to have the legacy they deserve.

Ladies in my network of friends who are doing great things such as Ronke Ige, Emi & Ben and Stephanie Mensah StylesAfrik. We see you, always good to see people you know representing and striving on.

Gabby Douglas - I lo sport and gymnastics is one of my all time favourites (I got to badge 1 as a kid) so watching Gabby take gold in the all round competition was one of my moments of London 2012.

Malala Yousafzai - sometimes I forget how relatively simple my life is and then I remember that whilst we complain about equal pay there are others out there who are fighting for simple rights that we take for granted. Malala is truly an inspiration especially as she says she will still continue to go to school even after an attempt on her life.

My aunt - I truly admire her strength to just get on with things, especially when others wouldn't.

The US presidential elections - any lessons for the UK

Four years ago I watched Barack Obama accept the Presidency, give his inauguration speech and dance with Michelle to Beyonce's rendition of At Last. Like many I had read President Obama's books and followed his progress from Senator to Democrat candidate for POTUS. I read politics at university, so I have a general interest but Barack stood out for me for lots of reasons as the kind of candidate I would back because of his ideology and his character and obviously like many I wanted to be a part of the historic moment when America elected its first African American president.

Now I am safe in the knowledge that President Obama will stay in office for another four years (yeah 4 more years of The Obama's in the White House means even more Michelle). And because I'm awake at 4am, I've started to think about what lessons we (Britain) could learn from the elections; where we saw an immense turn out from minority voters, where the young came out and voted in droves and people queued for 5 hours in some parts of the country to cast their vote. If you compare that with the turn out for the last parliamentary elections here you can see a marked difference. With numbers at all time lows for participation, it would appear that inertia has set in.

So what needs to be done to reengage voters in the British political system - do we need to look at the way political parties connect with the public, get celebs to encourage participation, have a more representative Parliament i.e. less Eton and more local comp and stress that we want a little more real world experience from candidates (your only job references shouldn't be your local pub and the parliamentary office)? What do you think and were you wishing you could vote for President Obama (to say no to Romney), whilst your name is omitted on the electoral roll - and therefore unable to vote?!

Just food for thought but the political parties and organisations with interests in the political process really need to think hard about how they get the British public vested in its own democratic process.

Nadie x

Ps Favourite bits from the President's 'I did it' speech

'We have to change that' - at times I thought I was watching a nation voting for the first time. I really couldn't believe the queues. It's obviously an indication of how many people turned out but that's crazy. For a minute there I thought Apple had launched a new iPad (not funny I know).

'Everyone has got to love Michelle as I do' - its super cute when someone just says this at a wedding, anniversary or birthday but on the world stage it's just beautiful and as you know I'm very much #teamMichelle.

'One dog is enough' - you can always identify with something in an Obama speech - humour, empathy, real ness. Such an amazing orator, once again back to his best.