Crimes against mankind

So summer is finally here - if you blink you'll miss it. But as the sun decides to pay us a flying visit we are all aware that we will be faced by certain crimes against mankind - here are some of my favourites:

Wearing inappropriate clothes when you live in a city. Now we are not at Sunsplash or Crop over so if your clothing only covers your nether regions please return back to your house and put some appropriate clothes on. I have holiday clothes that I wear when I have boarded a plane and safely landed. They have never seen the light of day or night in the UK, they have been bought strictly for sitting around a pool or at some tropical beach.

Toes hanging over your sandals, you may wish to be a size 5 but you're a 7 or 8, therefore the sandals you have on do not fit your feet. Your toes are actually dragging along the floor as you walk. I get it you like them and couldn't leave them in the shop I know I've been there but I did and so can you!!!!

Puny chests on display, I understand it's hot but we live in Britain and we have rules of decency here. Its the stiff upper lip and all that bs, so in a park or the beach you can take your t-shirt or vest off other than on those occasions leave them on. Amber Rose and whatever his name is (Wiz something) aren't together anymore so dream on no one thinks a pigeon chest is sexy, follow Snoop he keeps his shirt on - actually notice how baggy they are its for a reason! Men with chests, abs and pecs your woman likes to know that other women look at you and think dayum they can daydream but they don't know - understood!

Wearing black when the sun is beating down, I understand you have a limited wardrobe. It's only frivolous people like me who follow the Scouts motto, I have more summer clothes than the amount of days we've had that hit 25 oC or over in the last 2 years but wearing black doesn't make you look cool. It's hot man embrace the warm weather and wear light grey at least.

God is a genius even though Adam and Eve didn't know it toenails were meant to be painted. God thought I'm going to make toenails and then they'll learn how to create nail polish, it started off with a range of natural dyes but now we have millions of ways to make toe nails look pretty. Let me ask you now who are you to mess with what God intended, quick, quick all women out there paint your toenails before unleashing your feet on the world and if your feet aren't looking great treat yourself to a pedicure.

Time for me to go and get a pedicure before going out to enjoy the sun.